My Experience with Buddhism Pt 1 (Agnosticism)

by xeno6696 , Sonoran Desert, Wednesday, December 14, 2022, 03:42 (709 days ago) @ David Turell

Thank you again for these revelations about yourself. Who told you about the rape? I assume your mother as an early method of reducing your self-worth, as not the result of a loving family arrangement.

My mom did. She was an EMT and so to top all that off she was very much the kind of person where "we shouldn't hide the real world from our children," so when I was 6 I was the only child viewing Trauma slides when my mom went for her yearly continuing education. It was odd now that I think about it that nobody attempted to intervene, but I mean, it was North Dakota ROFL.

I didn't view it as abnormal until I started seeing the reactions (as an adult) of people who I told that to.

My teenage years were the most brutal. When I was 18 one of my best friends committed suicide and (this should tell you how deep my skepticism runs) I ran over to Drew's house because I didn't believe it... but yeah, the look on his dad's face literally said it all. I was numb all the way back home, and when I broke the news to my mom when I walked in the door the first words out of her mouth was "I told you to go over there yesterday!"

The teenage years I still feel eroded any sort of normal "love" reaction that I *should* have--and simply don't. 2-3 years ago as a joke my wife bought me an audio book "How to live with a narcissistic mother," and after I got done with that book, it hit me like a ton of bricks--in a good way. For the first time I had as accurate of a description of my childhood as I'd ever had... My case is weird because there's normally several different roles in a Narcissistic family and because I was the only family member I literally played all roles. The Golden Child who was also the Black Sheep.

--
\"Why is it, Master, that ascetics fight with ascetics?\"

\"It is, brahmin, because of attachment to views, adherence to views, fixation on views, addiction to views, obsession with views, holding firmly to views that ascetics fight with ascetics.\"