Christianity and Roman Catholicism in a Nutshell Part III (Religion)

by hyjyljyj , Friday, December 07, 2012, 21:45 (4367 days ago) @ dhw
edited by unknown, Friday, December 07, 2012, 22:07

Thanks very much for the kind words, David and dhw, and for letting me post my essay here. I'm really glad you enjoyed it. -Unfortunately the absurdity of my goofy little story is exceeded only by that of the one on which it was based.-Hell, Guido never even got into the people's favorite part of getting together weekly at the echo chamber...when they pay the protection money, they get to pretend to cannibalize Jesus. -Only they're not pretending! I am not making this up. They are instructed, with glowering solemnity, both to say they believe and to actually believe they are physically eating the living flesh off the bones of the greatest person who ever lived. If for some bizarre reason they can't bring themselves to really believe they're literally eating another human being's body parts right after Sunday breakfast, then they are not receiving the "sacrament" and hence go...you guessed it...straight to Fire Lake. No passing Go, no $200.-The wiseguys in black also get to drink the blood from his veins, which they really like because Jesus does them the courtesy of changing it back into pricey red wine right before it goes in their mouths. In fact, I've seen the wiseguys and consiglieri sit around and guzzle LOTS of the blood cells and plasma from inside Jesus's cardiovascular system--it's a miracle the poor guy isn't constantly fainting and pale as the shroud of Turin!-To me it's an amazing testament (*ahem*) to the world of religions that the only one outside Papua New Guinea that's based on cannibalism has roughly a billion people chomping on their savior's skin and lungs and lips and muscle tissue on any given Sunday. -Did I mention you cannot make this stuff up?-This is the thanks Jesus gets for living the life of a kind, good-hearted soul, placing his fellow man ahead of himself as an example for us all to live a more loving, more caring, and thus more fulfilling life? I often wonder....are these Catholics going to get up to Heaven and face icy glares for all eternity from a bloodless zombie covered in scars and bite marks? Maybe just an irate skeleton with a halo? Yeesh -Suddenly I seem to have lost my appetite.